Today, I am facing a great dilemma. I am saddened and ashamed to say that my fun has reached an end, and my punishment for my crimes and misdoings has begun at last. However, I shall start from the beginning, and tell you how it all came about.
I was enjoying a peaceful day in the camp when my subjects hurried in, anxiously announcing the presence of an unwanted guest. Erh-Lang, escorted by his brothers, has come to challenge me and arrest me on the spot. I quickly seized my trusty cudgel, put on my golden breastplate and my cloud treading shoes, and marched to the gate, prepared to meet my opponent. ‘What little captain are you and where do you hail from, that you dare to come here and challenge me to battle?’ I demanded. He informed me about his identity as the Jade Emperor’s nephew, and I recalled aloud the story of the Jade Emperor’s sister having a son with a mortal of the world below. How dare this insignificant amateur come to my camp and challenge me, the Great Sage equal to Heaven? I laughed and said, ‘Go back to where you came from, little fellow, and tell the four kings of Heaven to come instead.’
Ehr-lang, visibly angered by this, struck at me with his blade, but my swift and steady movements saved me from any harm. I swung my cudgel downwards, attempting to strike, and this back and forth squabble went on for quite a bit. Ehr-Lang then transformed into a demonic figure a hundred thousand feet tall, advancing upon me with great speed. Just as he was going to aim a blow at my head, I changed myself into an exact counterpart of my opponent. I thought smugly of my invincibility and continued to battle the Jade Emperor’s nephew, until I spotted my generals and officers from down below. I noticed that they began to tremble hardly because of my ghastly appearance, unable to hold up the banners. My monkeys began to drop their weapons, and soon afterwards,all of my subjects began fleeing in every direction, into the cave and up the mountains. Many of them were even captured, and this caused a panic.
Seeing my comrades in this state of frenzy, my heart fluttered in fear as I quickly abandoned my shape, fleeing as fast as possible. I was able to hear Ehr-Lang, who was following closely behind, shouting at me to come back so that my life could be spared. I ran and ran until I reached my cave, where I transformed into a fish and leaped into the river. Surely he cannot spot me from in here, I thought to myself in a panic. However, I was seriously mistaken; as I looked up out of the river, the Jade Emperor’s nephew transformed himself into a bird hovering over the water, waiting to prey on me. As soon as he spotted me and snapped his beak at me, I whisked out of the water, changing into a bird myself.
This went on for a while, with both of us changing into various types of creatures, keeping the battle alive. Until, a weapon came falling upon me from the sky, striking me on the crown of my head and knocking me over. Ehr-Lang’s dogs came after me, toppling me over again, and I knew that this was the end of it for me. I cursed aloud and said, ‘That has done for me! Why can’t you go and trip up your own master, instead of coming and biting Old Monkey’s legs?’ I attempted to rise to my feet, but I was held down by my captors, who severed my lute bone so that I wouldn’t be able to transform!
Soon afterwards, I was taken to the place of my supposed execution, where I was slashed at repeatedly. However, seeing that this had no effect on me, I was placed in a crucible, where my eyes stung and turned red. As soon as the lid of the crucible came off, I fled the scene as fast as possible, knocking town everything in my path.
Now, bringing myself back to the present, I sit in a stone box under a mountain, unable to move hand or foot, eating iron pills and drinking verdigris. Buddha himself has imprisoned me under this mountain, but I have been here for days now and I am prepared to plot my grand escape. You must come back and read if you want to know how I break free and what my next move will be.
Five Element Mountain 